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being a friend, can be one sided. having a friend, two sided. i've been a friend. i just didn't have you as my friend. emo as we can be... life sucks as it can be... but... God is still good. His goodness is not based on how well our lives are getting on. Neither is His greatness. when i see sarah online, or a few other friends from Doulos, i miss. when i see jacques' picture, korea's craze, i miss. when i see that bottle of sand jas got us from Redang, the tan that shrouds me, i miss. i feel that i'm living 2 lives. one in this reality. the other, in my memories. can someone tell me the difference? i can no longer differentiate. i'm back. with more...redang updates. haha. i'm still missing redang. shu shyan said, i miss everywhere i go. go Doulos, miss Doulos. go Korea, miss chunky..er i mean korea. go Redang, miss Redang. yah, come to think of it, yeah. i feel attached to people, places very easily. often, i'll feel nostalgic because of that. oh wells, enough of lamenting. i'll go on with the 3rd and 4th day. =) Day 3 wha..thank God i was early. but......all LTC crew had to run that morning. wha...... i nearly scolded the track and field guy, in charge of the morning exercise. but what to do, he's just doing his job. at least he ran with us. day 3 was tight on schedule. super tight. so the facilitators let us off for breakfast, and afterwhich, we had to build a... Sandcastle. well, after sandcastle, foxthons nua-ed in the shade, while the other teams had their fun in the sun. Lunch - ice cream haha. oh well, they've warned not to eat too much, lest we feed the fishes. so we met the LTC crew from the second leg. and we set off for snorkelling. wha..we had to like literally rushed to catch our boat at the jetty. our boat had the director of saa on it. then i fell asleep on the boat. tired me. saw the professional photographers. one of them, whoa. cool looking. i didn't say good looking huh. then we've reached. i was still waiting for some exciting entrance to the snorkelling arena. they just said, "jump in" haiyo..so much for wanting it to be memorable. haha. then they told us to queue for underwater phototaking. hehe. 100 over of us. bobbing up and down the water, kicking anyone to give us a thrust forward, you are asking us to queue orderly in the water?? heh heh. well, i did. but everytime when i'm in the queue, i'll float away unexpectedly. hais. then i've got to wade back in the queue with my hands only. if not, i'll be kicking everyone in the line. hah! finally it's my turn. thought to myself: so easy, go in the water and be a model. just pose and smile! wha, when i was the next in the line, my heart pounded really fast scare-ed le. then the lady pushed me to the... cool looking guy. i didn't say good looking huh. i thought her push was enough to carry me there. but i was nowhere near him. then he beckoned me to go over. i was still floating, literally and in my train of thoughts. haha. then i regained my composure and went up to him. too shy to say anything, i just smiled and nodded at whatever he said. felt a lil retarded. then he pushed me into the water. wha..so beautiful. my limbs went jello-ed. saw the camera, i was shy-ed. first shot, not too good. then i was pushed in again. wha, this time, i was professional. i touched the table coral and smile. great job. guess what? i broke off a part of the table coral. they crumbled in my hand. facilitators warned: don't step or touch the corals! er... hehe. wha...i blushed. guessed no one saw or could see. haha. then i had another shots with the fishes. those shots made me feel like i was in fantasy. cool-ed. well, then i went off like a headless chicken. just swimming everywhere. corals, corals..more corals. i want nemo!! jas told me he saw nemo and touched nemo. under my snorkel, i complained to God. me: God, why jas saw nemo and touched nemo, and i don't even have an encounter with nemo. UNFAIR. as i was sulking, (er..which you can't really see with the snorkel on) i saw an anemone. think: nemo like anemone. anemone like nemo. yah i stared at it saw a baby nemo ducking in and out of the anemone. wha... delighted. overwhelmed. swallowed a gulp of sea water because of that. went to tell diana and shi ting. haha. so fun. then saw papa nemo. thanked God profusely. hehe then observed deeper, the sand had a weird pattern. i told AC: ey, look down, the fishes are also building sandcastle. AC: that was where the stingray laid. thinking to myself: haiyo...i also know..just wana er..joke ma. *paiseh* well, that was about the end of the snorkelling trip, but not an end to the surprises God gave me. on the boat back to Redang, i saw, a shark feeding on somthing (steven saw it too). a school of small fishes jumped out of the water altogether (steven didn't see this). many rainbows. when we returned to Redang, we had to hurry change and all, and left for the cruise. my gosh. though i've seen Doulos, but i've not see Superstar Virgo. the tender boat was just like a simulator. just more exciting. well, we got to the cruise and into our rooms. b-e-a-utiful is all i can say. my room, next to all the foxthon guys. far from the foxthon girls. well, so the boys and me went for dinner. it was a BBQ dinner out on the open deck. whoa. i felt blessed. went away to emo. in fact, was to explore the ship. i went to the stern of the ship. there was a huge helipad. then i look over, whoa..not the stern yet. i went a few decks down. and there i stood. in the middle, right at the stern of the ship. solitude. i sang. i sang to God. the songs were..hmm..different. i had such a good time alone with God. the view - magnificent. you would wana stand there the whole night even if your legs hurt. went up and looked for the rest. went visiting the ship. alas, we decided to sit down and nua. well, the sun benches were taken up, so i laid on the deck. whoa, i feel the sky cover me like a blanket for the night. "there, the shooting star" uh...joc joc didn't see. ahh...!!! i was lamenting away on the deck, whining like a kid, crying to see a shooting star. then steven came over. he leaned over my head. he placed 2 fingers each above my eyes. pointed and said, "look at the where my fingers are." me: where? (stared at the fingers hard) lo and behold, a red shooting star flew right in between his fingers and into the night sky. whoa. everyone on the sun benches cheered and said they've seen. except for blur shi ting, still ask, where where.. haha. me...i was amazed and awestruck. God has yet again surprised me. You left me dumbfounded, God. i won't say you're unfair anymore. i saw 2 shooting stars. everyone head off to bed, with nick leaving steven and i a night of laughters. i was finally, sleepy. head off to bed. agreed steven for breakfast early mornig. snuggled in and lalaland~ Day 4 We had breakfast at Bella Vista. steven, nick, beng guang, AC and me. well, it ain't a good sign to eat with guys in the morning. well... we had some weird conversation over the table. it was like er... how animals were slaughtered and killed for the meals we have on our tables. let me remind you. guys are visual people. haha. nick was feeling the ..oh my.. steven, well, think he was feeling queasy by then. he never utter a word. haha. a good lunch marked the end of our b-e-a-utiful Redang Trip. I'm so happy i said yes to go. It was a trip that was God given and God driven. I can only say my heart is thankful. Just yesterday the bunch of us went for movie. nick, steven, beng guang, marlene joy and me. xiao he joined for dinner. God, i thank you for this. whoa.. it's nice to be back. it ain't nice to be sick. i was down with fever, 39.4. still down with tonsillitis. oh great. ain't any heroine now. redang was a b-e-a-utiful place. seriously. having to dine, buffet style, breakfast, lunch and dinner, with the seaview before you. it's breathtaking. i went with excitment and lotsa anticipation. i didn't want it to turn out to be a grueling camp. it didn't. DAY 1 we travelled 12 hours before reaching merang jetty. (-.-) but thank God, the chair was big enough for joc joc. i could twist and turn and er..curl into a ball on the chair =) but the road ain't smooth. whenever we hit a bump on the road, i'm awaken. hais..oh well.. when we finally reached, we had breakfast at merang jetty. with my er-hum inadequate melayu, me: bee hun dua(which means 2) aunty: ayam? me: (shakes head) aunty: telur? (er..haha means egg) me: (nods head) shiting: wha...you can speak malay arh.. (in awe) me: (smiles) aunty: minum apa? me: (stare at aunty dumbfounded) a guy from the queue: she asked what drinks would you like? me: (bursts out in laughter to hide embarassement) me: (still not giving up) milo peng satu... milo panas(it meant hot)satu... teh tarik satu... aunty, me: (both giggled) enough of my inadequate melayu. we travelled on a boat, er ferry er.. pardon me. it was just a floating vessel. so cool~ the seaview and the aircon. (brrr) sat with shiting and beng guang. got to know both of them a lil more. finally we've reached REDANG! whoa~ to speak the fact, i was sleepy, but still energetic. debriefed at ballroom, and off to our first buffet lunch. buffet is... take-all-you-can, eat-what-you-can. afterwhich, heh heh heh. the TLC challenge. we were made to run all over the island. and to do different obstacles. interesting... and FOXTHON won!! hahaha. it was a victory that we weren't confident of, but thank God. off to a good dinner buffet. once again. take-all-you-can, eat-what-you-can. We ended the day, logging off on our journals. however...the foxthons went ktv-ing. seriously holiday-ing wor. and soon, the room was packed with tikis too. 20 over people in a regular ktv room. i was crammed up man. xiao he and marlene sang very well. i nearly melted when xiao he sang. hehe. then a few of them went disco-ing. nick had a penalty to endure. he was asked to dance with an aunty. whoa..the dance floor went hysterial. i went off. finally, i laid on my bed... and off to lalaland. DAY 2 it was 6:45am. shoots. morning exercise was at 7am. we can't be late. i can't be late. i slept the earliest and woke up the latest. well, still... we were punished for being late. we had to run...on sand. i'm telling you, you won't want that for your morning exercise. well, the grueling run gave me more appetite. my first buffet breakfast. so satisfying. i had omelette, (cheese and mushroom) yummm =P sorry no pictures for my food fans. haha. then off we went, to our second challenge. Build-a-raft. haha. er..marine engineer here wor.. hahah. but ship's structure ain't thought by me. it was er..fernando..or schizo, i think it was the team! haha. 4 girls have to ride out the waves on that raft. and we did. we did. we rode the waves and came back in one piece. haha. FOXTHONS has yet scored another victory. we rejoiced! whoa.never felt this good. but victory was still far from us. 3 more challenges to go. Egg Drop, Hot Stuff and Sandcastle. Egg Drop was a disaster. well, at least we didn't do too bad. then we get to dip in the sea. hahah. it was so cool. we did a lil of snorkelling. took crazy videos of us drowning. underwater pictures. a picture on the rock. and erm..i cut my.. er..gluetus maximus. aiya butt for short. pi pi hurts man. hais.. buffet lunch again. (i don't sound as lethargic when i see the food) hahaha. then we had er.. Hot Stuff. some team building game. then logging off our journals again. then we had to prepare for Talent Quest. wha..tired and all, still Talent Quest. okay lor. schizo came up with something really good. together with what AC taught us. i loved our performance. puppet, plus some dance moves. [you've set the bar...] we did. we won! went out immediately after everything, while peeps continued to rock the dance floor. went to beachfront and watch stars. we gathered a few sun benches, shi ting, me, beng guang, steven. diana joined us too. we each wrote our wishes and dreams on the sky. using this..erm..this super cool laser. it extends all the way to the sky orh!! optical illusion. well, they saw shooting stars. steven and i decided to get a booze. well, my 2nd liqour drink outside home. hmm..it tasted..hmm..bitter. haha. well, i liked AC's drink. vodcano or some sort. though stronger, but it was nicer. we nearly got busted by the facilitators. phew. steven, joy and i stayed a lil longer in the night. ken came by. we went to the open air, and i was dozing off. so i said ciao, and went to my room, about to slump onto my bed, when they screened Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Man, do i wana catch it. but i didn't wana be late for morning exercise. if not, hais..gona run again. well, i'll update again tomorrow. i'm heading to bed. still gona work tomorrow. Heyo God. how are you? how dumb am i to ask God a question like this. i'm imagining... (think bubble) God: I've been busy, jocelyn. Joc: why busy, God? God: I am everywhere. Joc: but God, You're all powerful. why would you be busy with being everywhere? God: I am all powerful. That's why i am everywhere. Joc: (blurr-ed) God, i still don't see why You're busy when You're all powerful. God: my child, i've been busy mending all the broken hearts and broken lives. Sorry, random conversation that i came up with. God, hehe. Hope You won't mind. Well, my heart has been tender this days. many painful things are happening to people around me. my heart aches with them. i've seen the brokeness that few has seen. Ouch. My dear friends, i wish i could give all (i mean ALL) of you a big hug. (stretch arms) come up to me and i'll be gladly to give you a hug. just don't mind my small embrace. there're many broken relationships around. people, forgiveness is bliss. painful, yet essential. these days, we've been so quick to say, "oh, they ain't themselves again. must be emotional." we assumed. we assumed we know everything, i should say alot of things. but only to realise it was all skin-deep. can we venture deeper? why are we always so afraid of going through a painful journey? afraid we can't handle the emotional rush? afraid we're gona be stucked in the cycle forever? i feel sick, knowing man can only be skin-deep. i hate myself for being likewise. [Man can fail us, but God will NEVER fail us.] God, teach us to live. Our wisdom can only carry us this far. [We're tiny beings with finite minds.] MY LIFE  I am Jocelyn Hannah. I was baptised on 7th February 2010. I am 22 and still counting. I love VJBEE and we celebrate 10 years. I am amazed at everything about Korea and Korean. I still love orange, the colour. I love Da Tou, Mini Tou and new addition, Flimso. I am God given. In my life, I choose to desire God above everything else. He is no fool to lose what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot TAG ME MY LOVELYS Aunty Ben Bing Claire Corny di Evan Fio Ian Isabelle Jere Joelle Joey Josel Kha Ning Ong Ji Pauline Phebs Prila Roy Rui Xiang Sandy Shei Pin Sin Yi Tina Zul MY MEmories January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 March's Events 4th April - Ong Ji's Bday 8th April - Bing and Jere's 17th Month 9th April - Mommy's Bday 12th April - Tina's Bday 19th April - School Officially Commences 22nd April - Sabrina's Bday My heart song |