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The song's nice. It's been played 5,999 times. I'm the 6000th person, or at least I'm the 6000th that the song has sung over. Tired, yet not asleep. Wondering if it's the imminent jab any moment now.. I miss how things have been, even though nothing will be the same again. I hate changes. This will be a quick one. Look at the time. I'm typing this at 3.30am!!!! What ghastly hour!!! Okay, maybe it ain't as ghastly as the other entries.. It felt bad because.... As I spent 1 hour and 15 minutes, half searching and half cleaning my dump(which is my room actually), I had to go around the world(well, just my tiny 4-wall room again)looking for this:  Can't see what it really is? Look below.  My "DREADED" jab has come back haunt me.. It's tomorrow. =S I mean later..in about 12 hours time. I'm so afraid. But I'm thankful, everytime when I go for a jab, I'm never alone. Back then, when I had to go for jabS, not just 1 jab, for mission trip, I had a mob of friends with me. Seeing that I dreaded the needle so much, they made me go first. Just so that I won't see on their faces how painful it'll feel... The jab that nearly sent me to tears was tetanus. That jab IS the most painful jab. I'll tell you another time about the jab incident. Thank God, later there's clamhead. If not, I wouldn't know how I'm gona survive the jab. Well, I hope he won't be as afraid as I am.. HAHA. Okay. I better head off to lalaland, before more fatigue kicks in and I can't work tomorrow. Heading to JB tomorrow. I pray for safety, for good weather, for good company, in Jesus's name I pray, Amen. I apologise for the late post. Had wanted to post it all up the other day, however lalaland's beckoning was ever so strong... Oh well.. Well, the night was filled with laughters beyond measures. Hanging out with part of the VJBEE is amazing. Contemplated on places to eat with ng and chuah, and we ended up at crystal jade. (Mind you, we didn't eat up to 100 over bucks!!) La Mian Xiao Long Bao Crystal Jade it was. As we made our way to Taka, chuah and i locked our hands as we walked. Ng came and locked hands with chuah. After, say, 5 minutes, Ng commented, "walking like this(hand in hand), i feel very out of place." I said, "you were never part of us." Chuah, "*laughs* yah lor.." Ng: Do re mi ar? Me: What Do re mi? It's Do Mi Mi. *Laughs* Ng:(turn to chuah) She turn around and shoot you ar.. Me:(defending) no what..it's a fact.. Ng: then it's Do Do Fa. Me: Fine, Do Do Fa lor. At the escalator, chuah and i walked towards the escalator, ng went somewhere far from us.. she lives up to her name, Fa. We finally reached crystal jade. Sat down and looked through the menu. The waitress came up to us and spoke in mandarin, "Yao He Xie She Me?" Chuah was flipping around and asked where.. I told her, "It's behind." Chuah immediately turned around in her seat to look for the drinks. Ng and I can't help but burst in fits of laughters. "Chuah!! It's behind. At the back of the menu." Blur her turn the menu around and still didn't see the drinks menu. I flipped to the last page for her and pointed, "THERE!!" I looked at the waitress and I saw her trying to hide her laughs too. So I was kind enough to tell her to come back in a while, while I was still in my fits of laughters. Super funny!! She lived up to her name, Do Do. HAHAHA. Well, caught up with ben and we got a hitch from ng, as she desperately wanted to head home in a cab.. So not so happily, we all got up a cab finally after a long time, complaining how some taxi drivers are so greedy for money, that they choose who to pick and what time to pick, forgetting that the taxi uncle was also inside the cab. OOPS!! So Ng was the next culprit who set us off on our next laughing spree. She was talking about her council and all. I bet you guys know this phrase, "Talk to my hand." Well, imagine that in Hokkien.. (I'd tried my best for the hanyu pinyin, don't scorn it.. afterall, it ain't hanyu!!!) Ng:(holds out her hand) Ga wa ay qiu gong wae. *Laughs* Chuah:(holds out her hand)Ga wa ay qiu gong wae, (brings her hand to her ear) dan zei, wa ay qiu ai ga wa gong wae. *Burst of laughters* Ng: Ga wa ay qiu gong wae, dan zei, wa ay qiu ai ga wa gong wae. lei you gong si mi? Uh huh..Uh huh.. dan zei, wa ay qiu ai ga lei gong wae. *Explosion of laughters* The poor cab driver must be speeding at 120km/h, not to send us home as soon as possible, but to rid of us as soon as possible. HAHAH. Told you they make me laugh loads. Crazy bunch of dearies. I just wish vel could join us.. I miss my godson's mummy!!! Well, worry not my love, we'll meet for sure ya? Our friendship has seen us through good times and bad.. Nonetheless, I thank God for them. As I reminisce about how everything could be so amazingly arranged, I can't help but be so thankful. We're so close that we'll always utter, "Haiyo...it's not as though you don't know they're like this.." Just as I've made my promise to fio and bing, I'm making the same one for these dearies. That I lay my life down for them. Only God knows how much I love them. I suddenly remember a promise that clamhead made. "I'll stay(at NYDC) at least until you've started school..." I was very touched when I saw that. Honest. A simple promise like this, sent me up to the moon. I was assured of his presence, even though I don't get to see him alot in a week. Clamhead's my favourite clam, well that's probably because he's the only one! =) Life's been generally good. God's amazingly here. Even when I've gotten the rotten-est customers, I thank God that He's a God of forgiveness, that's why I forgive them. If not for the reputation of NYDC or eXplorerkid, if not for the namesake of God, I would have shoot them back in their words. I can get angry, but I cannot sin in my anger. And I thank God He was there to prevent me from hurling bullets up their nostrils. God said in His words, "Revenge is mine." I don't have to fight against such people, God knows and He remembers. He'll deal with them. However, God has forgiven them in their sins. As long as they believe. God has forgiven such a sinner like me, who else can I not forgive. Just as I stand forgiven, I'll forgive. Exhausted and Burnt out! Well, imagine I had slept at 5 odd AM the previous night, maybe today's dawn, and this morning at 9 odd AM, the drills went on and on and on and on....... I guessed I had cursed them in my sleep, no recollection though. Don't wish to have any either. Ng told me, "Might as well print your sleeping schedule and put it on their door, then they'll see when to work.." *LAUGHS* Glad to see chin gu today. Ng's impression of her has changed. I'm so happy. God, You restore broken relationships. I thank You yet again. Read his blog. Like why wasn't I surprised by all that I've read. Underneath that tough shell, is the tenderness that I believed existed since the day I knew him. Glad I've finished Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Indeed not up to mark, nor as impactful. However, I'm glad I've caught it. It's like a strike off of the 10,001 things on joc's TO-DO List. I'm tired. Crashing now. I'll post up the laughters that ben, chuah, ng and i shared tomorrow. FUNNY means FUNNY. I love them to bits!! RX, I'm looking forward. I might appear strong and steady then, but please understand, I am equally shy. *oops* Did I just say I am shy? Oh shoots. Dain. So what? I'm human afterall. =) [Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4] Annyong hi chumuseyo. Good night.  I ripped this off kha's blog. (hope you don't mind it aye?) I had an amazing time today. Work at eXplorerkid as usual. Had some laughters and frowns, but all in all, people were gracious. They were concerned. They asked after me. Even a simple "Would you want anything?" cheered me up. Over the days, I kept thinking of ways to quit and resign, but it gets harder and harder each day. Uma: "Do you like kids?" Debbie: "How's everything here?" Irene: "Well, you can stay till March..." Jennifer: "I really need you to help with this and that..." Haema: "Thanks for being around to help cover my shift.." Haema's my colleague who has gotten HFM disease. My answer... *smiles* and *nods* People were really concerned. I felt my existence in a place, where I thought only superficiality existed. I'm thankful I've gotten a chance to work there. Honest. However, between NYDC and eXplorerkid, I've made my choice. A hard one that I've contemplated. I hate it when I have to make such decisions.. Well, changes are inevitable. I've got to learn it. After work was what I was looking forward to... I met my dearest Eileens. An old meeting place. A hong kong cafe. Same food, different seats. Whatever that I was feeling, melted away at the sight of the girls. A broad smile just wiped my quivering lips away. The tears that failed to fall became a glint in my eyes. We were so comfortable with each other, I felt like we are a family. After knowing them for so long, I know their idiosyncrasies. When I read the order sheet, "No spring onions!!" I laughed. So ya, I joined them for once, no spring onions. When our noodles came, (they came one set at a time) (a set: a plate of noodles and a bowl of soup) A waiter brought the first set with spring onions, both on the noodles and in the soup.. Ng kicked up a fuss. She muttered above her breath, "Wha...I wrote NO SPRING ONIONS LOR!!!" Chuah smiled and said, "Well, maybe they don't understand english.." Ng, "See I told you....We should have written "CONG" " I looked at my sweeties and laughed. Well as always, I became the "CONG" dumping ground. I uttered, "Well, how do you write "CONG"..?" Ng and I almost uttered together.. but I realised I made a mistake.. Ng: The "cao zi tou".... Me: The "cai zi tou".... *LAUGHS* Well, the night was short, but nonetheless, a great time for reminiscing and catching up. Chuah's celebrating her 2nd month today. I offered her all my smiles, and from the deepest of my heart, I'm so happy for her. I was the only one who guessed that she got hitched. Telepathy it seemed. She had her ups and downs... She bared her heart, I was there when she had to struggle.. She offered to be here when I'm struggling.. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw her sms. Though we don't meet up weekly, we share a closeness that even I can't put a finger to it.. Chuah's like...like my Silent Guardian. =) Ng.. HAHA.. My apologies.. She's the stark contrast of chuah. Not only physically, but her character. Ng's the one that I quarrelled the most with. So big was one of our fights, the VJBEE's status was shaken. And everyone tried to bring us back tog again. Crappy and a Dreamer she is.. but she shares in my thoughts and life. She asks after me.. She's eager to share her life. We never ran out of things to laugh about. Ng's like...like my "Kai Xin Guo" =) Sadly, Ben ben couldn't join us.. But I was very touched through our conversation. Ben ben: Well, I'll meet you in town, send you back to Pasir Ris to get your pay, and head back to town. Me: Haiyo.. So ma fan.. Don't need lar.. I can head back on my own. Ben ben: Nevermind lar, I'll just send you back.. Don't you know I'm very "ti tie de".. Me: *grins blissfully* Thanks ya ben..but i feel bad.. Ben ben: Haiyo..don't worry.. I'll send you back.. He is indeed considerate. I thought I was the only one who goes the extra mile. Ben went the extra metre-mile. Ben's like..like my Nearly-an-Ezer Kenegdo. =) RX was extremely encouraging. He agonised with me. He went "aiyo..." countless times. He assured me. He promised me his presence. He reminded me of the promises of God, that only He keeps. He brought a smile to my face. [Hahas correction i will always be around k. I dont want to try. Its like giving false hope. Yea do what u do best. Smile. Hahas let God do the healing ok?] I thanked him for trying to be around. He said he doesn't want to try. He will be around. He chose to be around. RX's like..like my Protector. =) Read kha's blog about JP's sermon. Amazing. I've learnt... [Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippian 2:4] [Loners are not wise. Wisdom is found and forged in the fires of commited relationships.] [..the focus is not on how they read or do math, or any other skill or trait. The focus is: Will you count them as worthy of your help and encouragement? Not are they worthy? But will you count them as worthy?] [That is where our humility comes from. We feel overwhelmed by God’s grace: bygone grace in the cross and moment-by-moment arriving grace promised for our everlasting future. Christians are stunned into lowliness. Freely you have been served, freely serve.] ['It was beautiful when Christ put our interests above his own earthly comforts and died for us. It was beautiful when Paul suffered every day to plant the churches that brought us the gospel. It was beautiful when Timothy served side by side with Paul, putting the interests of others first. It was beautiful when Epaphroditus risked his life to complete the Philippian service to Paul. And it will be beautiful in your personal priorities and families and politics as God makes his wisdom grow up among us where the mind of Christ is so alive.] Clamhead's the keeper of my life. HAHA. As so we have joked about it. He'll fend of any threats to protect me. He asked, "How would I know if there are any threats?" Told him, "Use your psychic power." He's always the one that goes, "See lar see lar..I told you so.." He has been around daily. As my alarm, as my crying buddy, as my laughing machine, as clamhead. He simply makes me chuckled silly in front of a handheld device. Clamhead's like..like my Invincible Superhero. =) My phone got extremely cranky. It hangs up on people without me touching it. It snoozes my alarm when I've yet to reach for it. It seemed to have a mind of its own. However, IT WORKS! I was really sadded when it couldn't charged up the night before. Told Daddy about it. He told me it's the battery. I told him it's the phone. He sms-ed me, "I've sent your phone to check. It's spoilt." I was sadden-ed. When I got home, I just couldn't believe I'm losing my phone, I tried swopping the batteries, and my phone instantly sprang to life! Excitedly left Daddy a note as it was 2am when my phone resurrected. Told him all I needed was a new battery, not a new phone. Whoa. God knew I couldn't afford a new phone. Daddy surprised me today. "I bought your battery." My heart did somersaults all over. I was esctatic, not about the new battery, or that I could keep my dear phone, but that Daddy and I actually communicated. For those who hadn't known, something terrible happened, and we had the biggest fight ever, since then I hardly talk to my dad, least to even sms. Mummy had always said Daddy's "Zui ying xin luan" (Mouth hard, Heart soft) He cares. Daddy's like..like my DADDY. =) The drama on screen was a nightly affair. My mum sat behind me, savouring her dumpling... (du du growls right this moment... =S) fixing her eyes intently on the tv screen. When commercial time came on, she pointed to du du and said, "Wha..du du bian da le!!" ("Wha..du du became big!!") I laughed. Told her du du has grown big since I've started at eXplorerkid. Like after a good meal, I'll sit in front of a pixelated screen and go tapping away on the keyboard. Like how can du du not surface.. We smiled. Mummy knows the changes in me, even when I don't say it. Mummy's maternal instinct I guessed. "Wha..tou fa chang le.." ("Wha..hair grown longer..") Mummy's like..like my MUMMY! HAHA. =) As I resided into the night and sat in front of yet another pixelated screen, my heart is comforted. God had orchestrated everything. He had put up a whole performance to cheer me up. It took Him the whole of the day. Even if it takes Him 10 years to cheer someone up, I believe He will. He blessed Job after all he went through. Two folds. For a minute character like me.. God bothered Himself the whole day just to plant a smile on my face. How much more blessed can I get? His act of love outstripped all things else. He wow-ed me, and keeps at it time and time again. I'm simply awestruck. [Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.] I'm learning this step by step. [Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.] I'm learning this day by day. [Love never fails.] I'm learning this lesson by lesson. [And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.] Love is amazingly beautiful. God allowed me a glimpse into the beauty of it. What does God do best? He loves. What does joc do best? I smile. =)
Clamhead reminded me today of something I've not put much thought into. "That's your one problem. And that's why you have so many problems." My strength was my very weakness as well. Hmm. My colleague, Uma asked me last week if I could work the following shifts: Monday - 12pm to 8pm Tuesday - 12pm to 8pm Wednesday - Off Thursday - 12pm-8pm Friday - 10.30am - 9pm (dreaded!!) Saturday - 3pm to 10pm Sunday - 3pm -10pm Considering that the other colleague was down with HFM disease, I said...okay. Today at work, she asked, "Jocelyn, can you work on Deepavali?" To think that I actually wanted to quit by the end of this week... =/ Me, "Oh yah..you and Haema's got to celebrate Deepavali..." She, "Well, I can work..in the morning..." Me, "Yeah..okay." Stupidly, I added, "There's birthday parties on that day ya?" She, "Yeah. I let you do the parties?" Me, "Okay...." She, "You like doing parties right?" Me, "Er..yeah..okay ar.." Then following was Auntie Irene. She was in chatters with another auntie beside me. They were chatting about a girl named, Miya who MIA-ed. Then I think she landed the topic onto me. As I heard her speak, "(in mandarin) She's very responsible.." From the side of my eyes, I saw her nodding towards me. Hmm. Then Auntie Irene asked, "You not schooling meh?" Me, "Oh I've graduated.." She, "Then why don't you look for a full time job?" Me, "Oh, I'll be starting school next year April." She, "(squeals) Oh then you can work till March or so then!" Me... I simply spunned around to face the computer once again, fixating a grin on my face... expressing "yes-es" in all directions. My vibes tell otherwise. So I can't leave just yet again. =( I told RX, He exclaimed across the phone, "OKAY YOUR HEAD AR!" "YOU EVERYTHING ALSO OKAY!!" As I sms-ed clamhead.. He told me to wait lor.. Wait for the weeks to pass. No choice. After meeting fio and bing, I headed to the train station. Took to Raffles as I was looking for a seat to snuggle my butt on. I was tired. Sat down at the platform waiting for the train, while I was sms-ing clamhead, 2 guys approached me. One of them took his place next to me. He started to chat me up. Gosh was I surprised. Like who does that these days, or even does it at all. As they talked, I listened. They asked, I answered. Finally came the big question: "Can I have your number, to contact you when I pop by your work place?" I went...."er..yeah..9...blah blah blah.." Chatted all the way to Tampines. When we got off the station, we bumped into his housemate. She started talking a whole lot of things as well. Make up, Eye brow trimming.. (My heart just went..."I'm not that kinda girl...") The big question came yet again. She said, "Wait...I'll get you...." I answered, "Oh, your namecard?" She answered, "Huh? Namecard...?" She fished out her PDA. -___-" "Can I have your number, I'll contact you about the make up lessons.....?" Me, "Er..yes..9...blah blah blah.." After I left them at a junction, I didn't feel too bad actually.. Somehow they prevented me from hitting rock bottom before I reached home. I sms-ed clamhead. His response, "Nice one. Anyhow give people your number." My jaw dropped. How stupid was I. I told him that I simply couldn't refuse... "That's your one problem. And that's why you have so many problems." Felt really dumb today. Fancy me calling clamhead the dumb one all the time.. What's far worse... was the pain in my heart. My lips quivered when I spoke of it.. My hands trembled.. My heart...sank. I felt that we're no longer like before. I wasn't able to confide in her as I used to. Things have reached a stage where I feel, we no longer speak or connect at the same frequency. Sms-ing across the table when you're with friends is rude, I understand. I tried so hard to minimise.. to the extend that I only reply when I'm away from the table en route to the toilet. Yet, today, you didn't do what you've said. I was sharing my heart out... I was so insecure... I needed your assurance... All I had was your cold shoulder. You kept your fingers tapping away on the phone. When you're done, you shot me with harsh replies that simply cut my heart... into pieces.. Damn the tears for rolling down right now. I hate crying. Yet, I am now.. Where had the "speaking the truth in love" gone to? I am of the same stage as before - singlehood. You have gone onto the process of considering doublehood. Ideals have changed, priorities have changed, perspectives have changed. You...have changed. I reminisced the days where we laughed our heads off over silly things. Where we shared our insecurities. Where we shared our hearts about the future we wana have. You have a new addition in your life now. I'm happy for you. I wish to be a part of the joy, and share in your life. Yet, I no longer hear from you or your heart. I had to ask in order to know.. You weren't as eager to share as before. God, my heart is so painful now. This pain is far worse than that of being broken by other heart breakers. I thought she was given by You. So is she still...? My heart has grown weary.. I'm beginning to lose faith.. I don't believe that You are taking away what You have given me. I just wished it's because we're all growing. Growing in different stages requires more communication, more grace, more love. I would very much wana fall in love, but not in the way where I'll hurt others. Maybe they hadn't hurt me. I just needed to cope with changes. Changes in people are...really...scary. I hesistated, thus. God, I'm afraid of changes. Very afraid... Could You help ease that fear.. I don't know why I fear so much even though You love me so deep.. Hey peeps, pardon me for my vulnerability. My heart just needed an avenue to express. It's heavy on my heart and really hard for me to bear.. I really wonder who truly understands... but God. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away. Psalm 31:9-10 For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30: 5 My memory of how painful I used to feel.. It's coming back.. The pain and all.. How deep it cut.. But God's my Jehovah Rophe. ["Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53:4-5) Please note the present tense, "we ARE healed." His work on the cross paid the totally price for our healing once and for all. Do you need Jehovah-Rophe today? For your body? For your soul? For your mind? He is still in the healing business today and He is only a prayer away. Call upon Him!] Jehovah Rophe. The Lord Heals. To you I offer my broken heart.. What is Love? Bold of me to speak of this? Nah. God has told us, including me, what Love is. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. ..................... God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. Familiar, some may say. It's from the word of God. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Yet another familiar verse. The verse I stand by with regards to my dearies. How could we say love doesn't exist? How could we say love exist only in fairytales? How could we say love is bullshit? How could we say love only brings more heartaches than joy? How could we... [Loving someone means allowing the other person to respond in ways you have no control over. Everytime you engage yourself in an intimate, loving way with someone else, you become partly subjected to the exhilaration of hearing another person's yes or the disappointment in his or her no. The more people you love, the more pain you may experience. For the great mystery of love is that while it can be received, it can also be rejected. Everytime you love, you enter into the risk of love.] Many have definitions of love. Some painful, some sweet. I'll let you in on something. God's love......always sweet. We are often so caught up with looking for the perfect 'him' or 'her', that we lose sight of loving. Both loving God and loving 'him' or 'her'. We nit picked everything. For me, his hair, his bods, his smile, his charisma, his humour, his accent, his charm, his expressions, his gestures, his walk with God, his.....the list never ends huh? Well, for God... He simply loves. However, I've learnt one thing. Man's love dies down. Love seem to deterioriate over time. Husbands and wifes fall apart, Boyfriends and girlfriends choose to break up. Children of God fall away, because they no longer love and felt loved. God's nature, neverchanging. Neither is His love. That is why it feels so secure to be in Him, than in any man/woman's heart. Just like Simon Peter. Jesus asked "Simon son of John, do you truly agape me more than these?" "Yes Lord," he said, "you know that I phileo you." To put it simply, agape was the highest level of love, sacrificial love. Simon Peter could only offer phileo, the second level of love. Love is important. Just as it is very important to us, it is important to God. Two thousand years ago, at a quiet spot just beside the Sea of Galilee, our Lord asked Simon Peter a question that would foreve change the course of his life. Two thousand years later, He is asking each of us the same question, "Do you love me?" Today, I had a blast. It's been so long since I've last played a ball game. Amazed at how we could all come together and play a game. I love the girls. It's been kinda long since I've been around this many girls, honest. I had fun. Bits and pieces of my life are around me. Day to day, I make the same prayer. The prayer that only God will know. As I sang, the tunes just came, the words just flowed, [I need you, I want you, I love you.] I'm happy with my life. Thankful that I have a family to come home to. I heard about Clarice's. Honestly, I felt like crying inside. I wanted so much to hold her and comfort her, even though all I saw from her was a strong front. I've learnt to not complain of my lack. It cannot be compared to what she'd gone through. I worked hard, not for money, yes, but for material wants and all. Others, like her, may work because she don't have enough. I'm quiting one of my jobs. I'm just gona focus on one, and really give myself time. Time to be with God. Time to honestly rest. (actually i've been sleeping alot...8-12 hours bare minimum. fio puts it better, irregular.. hehe.) Time to shop hard, (window shop i mean, don't wana burn a hole in my pocket.) Time for my friends. Time to mambo. Time to wait for the guy... wait wait wait... let me tell you about him.. bing describe: [he'll come on an orange vespa, wear an orange suit and shoes, carry a bunch of orange flowers, with orange wax on his head, and make your heart, not you, race.] I replied her that if it really happens, NOT MY HEART, BUT ME, RACE. HAHA. Unless, really, unless, if it's a dare from me, and he actually does it, I'll be superbly touched. Honest. Lastly... Time to fall in love. God, I'll pray the same prayer everyday. You'll hear it everyday. I know it won't bore you. And I know my heart is safe in Your hands. Amen. [I believe protecting your heart is going all out to feel the full volume of emotions, of love, of joy, of pain, but placing everything in God. Allowing God to protect your heart as you feel the feelings you CAN feel..the risk of being hurt is always there, but God's here to protect you from pain beyond you can bear.] I can't believe I've said such things to bing at that point of time. Well, told you guys... God teaches me things along the way as well. Just as I've spoken it to you, I have learnt it at the same time. Been into loads of oldies these days. Digging up my memories. [Good memories are pictures of an old photo album reflecting all of what God had done just to amaze you. - Joc] I like looking back into my good memories and go... "Wha...I can't believe that happened..." Peeps, being wonderwoman of two jobs, been working 2 1/2 weeks without break, eating the same old mee sua and chicken chop 4 out of 7 days, I'm thankful that I live to this day. I'm thankful that God has been around. I'm thankful that He loves me enough to stand by me. I know I've been well taken care of. It's God's hands I'm in, remember? [The word used most in love letters is not love, it's miss. - The Leap Years] i've learnt some things about myself these days. I'm garang, yet feminine, compared to chawanmushi by Zul. Zul: why do you like chawanmushi? Me: It's ..er..nice? Zul: Some more..? Me: It's tasty? Zul: *roll eyes* It's soft, just like you. And why you dig further, you'll find more and more ingredients.] It took me quite some time to identify with chawanmushi. I wasn't feeling delicious. I realised we could all say one thing and change the next minute, not literally, of course. It's just that there's so much changes in the people around me, that I feel I no longer that I belong to somewhere. I don't hate changes in places, I dread the change in people. So much so, that I no longer believe that one meant what one may say at times. Guess it's the season. I'm just learning to move on step by step with God. Only He, only He, is neverchanging. Just help me on this, don''t promise me what you cannot fulfill. You'll make me feel that you're changing too. I hate this statement to the core, [Promises are meant to be broken.] God never breaks the promises He made. Only man would do that. One last thing. God, I pray that with everyday of my life, You'll surprise me, like no man could. You'll stand by my side unwaveringly, like no man could. You'll provide for me, like no man could. You'll love me with the biggest of heart, like no man could. And for the man who is willing to come after me, this is for you. [A girl has to bury her heart so deep in God, that he has to go through God to get it.] The only way to my heart, is through God. When you've made it to my heart, I'll know it's you. MY LIFE  I am Jocelyn Hannah. I was baptised on 7th February 2010. I am 22 and still counting. I love VJBEE and we celebrate 10 years. I am amazed at everything about Korea and Korean. I still love orange, the colour. I love Da Tou, Mini Tou and new addition, Flimso. I am God given. In my life, I choose to desire God above everything else. He is no fool to lose what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot TAG ME MY LOVELYS Aunty Ben Bing Claire Corny di Evan Fio Ian Isabelle Jere Joelle Joey Josel Kha Ning Ong Ji Pauline Phebs Prila Roy Rui Xiang Sandy Shei Pin Sin Yi Tina Zul MY MEmories January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 March's Events 4th April - Ong Ji's Bday 8th April - Bing and Jere's 17th Month 9th April - Mommy's Bday 12th April - Tina's Bday 19th April - School Officially Commences 22nd April - Sabrina's Bday My heart song |