28 November 2007 Y 1:30 AM

My heart is aching alot.
I don't know why.
I believe,
God,
only You can tell me why.



27 November 2007 Y 11:16 PM

Well,
i'm back blogging again.
i find it hard to blog,
guess it's thumby's fault.
if you hadn't known,
i sprained my thumb.
oh well, it never stopped me from heading out.
well, i've been heading out with fio.
yesterday, pizza.
on sat, we headed to island cafe.
felt as though sat was a very long day.
worked with thumby still sprained.
then we headed out for dinner after work.
it was erm..well..more than dinner in fact.
after dinner with justin,
fio and i headed to clark quay.
well, the night shrouded us by then.
we rounded clark quay a number of rounds,
finally settling for something we know best.
Haagen Daaz.
hah.

well, the manager told his staff
"well, please attend to miss ANDREW."
i was wearing andrew 141.
well, i retorted of course.
"I'm not ANDREW."
then we ordered.
paid $9.90 for a cup of root beer float.

faints.
well, the girl was sweet.
she said,
"Miss Jocelyn and Miss Fiona,
i've got your names right this time ya?"
sweet.
then we headed on to the coffee club.

had a tea called morning dew and calamari.

we were simply enjoying life.
well, after this,
we're gona be stripped of this life,
of luxury and good food.
we're gona eat simple,
live simple.
till....
well, i do hope our desire to aussie will be realised.



08 November 2007 Y 2:38 AM
I've got a thanksgiving.
I've got a $2.6k cheque.
it was simply God-given, i can tell you.

with that,
i'll be blessing people.
when today, i've been blessed before i could.

headed out with
wei tao, rayson, zhao zhi, ben, vel, zavier(my 3 month old godson), ng, chuah and me.
i was blessed.
at waraku-dinner, wei tao paid for us.
at nydc-desserts, debbie wanted to give my table discount,
but she forgot.
well, ben paid.
i was utterly blessed.
both meals amounted to nearly 200 bucks.
imagine that.

i felt so blessed.
so ng and i blessed a grandma.
i've got a pack of tissue for 4 bucks,
and ng, 5 bucks.
9 bucks for 2 packs of tissue.
call me crazy,
but i've felt more willing to give the 4 bucks just now,
than any other times.
i think because, i felt the feeling of being blessed.
4 bucks-about an hour of pay.
it's okay.
God is God of how much more.

i also carried zavier.
wha..
he lao nua-ed on me.
he kinda had dinner,
then er..burped.
then er..foamed at his mouth.
no lar.
just milky saliva.
he kinda like me to carry him,
but after we walked quite some time,
he got tired of me.
so he kept moving around and whined.
vel took over.
mummy instinct.
the wei tao said this while i was carrying zavier,
"zavier will not be afraid of heights."
well, it's because i wasn't very tall amongst our bunch.
hais.
hah.

ng was still hungry by the time we reached pasir ris,
so we went mac,
she paid.

Well,
blogging at zhao zhi's house now,
with the boys on the mahjong tiles
and ng and ben on the television.

Tomorrow, i'll get you.
i'm excited to meet you.
you shall be called...
"chen chen"
er..till i can think of a better name,
chen chen you shall be. =)



Y 2:17 AM
It's about fio, a second time.
hah.
recounting what happened just on tuesday.
6th Nov.

We went hard rock.
got a table right in the centre of the cafe.
had cool occurrences.
this small kid across the hall,
was eating.
we noticed the young dad first.
then the kid.
he looked at fio and i sheepishly,
then he turned back to his plate of er..fries?
hah.
then he kept looking at us, from time to time.
fio and i laughed everytime he did that.

then matthias came.
fio tried calling,
he didn't pick up.
purposefully unintentional.
so we wrote a note,
and told a waitress to pass it to him.
it prints: "hey, please turn to your left. =)"

it reached him.
he opened the serviette.
all his friends peeped.
then he turned.
and we all grinned at each other.
even though i didnt know him.
heh.

then a man sat behind us on a bar top kinda thing.
he ordered seafood linguine,
like what we did.
for desserts,
he ordered apple cobbler,
like what we did.
i wondered was he er..
copying us..
hah.
over sensitive.

then we left.
and walked round orchard.
er..literally a loop.
then headed back to the coffee bean near hard rock.
we took our usual table.
sat and chit chatted.

life,
we shared about and lamented.
we bared our true hearts.
i felt that i was blessed.
i have wen bing all along.
God has really blessed me with her.
i'm grateful.

fio,
know that joc will wana be here for you too.
chon nen fio sarang hae yo.



Y 2:03 AM
It was saturday, if i ain't wrong.
Uncle Alan, sam, siti, fio, bing and me.
We all left nydc after work to hitch cab home.
funny, it is.

We reached ground floor and fio...
realised her retainers were,
not dirty,
not dented,
but LOST.

Sam uttered, "er..i think i saw something metallic on the floor."
hah.
fio panicked, "$300 is at stake!!"
asked uncle alan for keys and we left with haste.
er..we..walked.
then walked faster.
then er..walked even faster.
then we ran!

Weird, but i enjoyed the thrill of laughing and running with fio.
we..well..ran.
and up the escalator till we were aching.
to nydc.

unlocked the shutter.
dashed into er..darkness.
under dim green 'exit' light,
we searched.
the scenario was this:
fio was busying looking for her retainers in the dark,
while me...
busy looking for the light switches in nydc.
-_-"
(i better find out where the light switches are.)

all of a sudden,
fio gave a loud scream.
natural instinct,
fio saw something..er..scary?
i was afraid.
she reached down and stood up.
exclaiming loudly and waving her hands wildly in front of me
, "i found my retainers!!!"
my heart nearly sank.

hah.
we left nydc.
i tried to lock the shutter.
wondered why it couldn't lock.
weird thoughts crept into my mind.
"something is preventing me from locking the door."
i panicked.
then realised,
er...
it was the wrong key.
then with trembling hands, i locked it.
and fio and i left to meet the rest.


hah.
funny day it was.



03 November 2007 Y 4:12 AM
wow.
call me stupid, please?

i can't believe i'm this dumb.
if they have a hall of fame for dumb people,
i guess i'll top the charts.

i have hurt you to the extent that i was oblivious of it.
i'm hurt by the hurt i've inflicted on you.
my heart cringed.
it's telling me: "you're finally feeling what i am feeling..."
it was as though,
my heart and i have spoken different languages all this while,
and now,
we're in sync.

Declaration: I'm broken and contrite.
No doubt.
the strong me has came crashing down.
HARD.
my bricks have failed me.


i'm weak now, God.
i feel helpless, but not hopeless.

[i'll find strength in my weakness.]
i'm learning this the hard way round.

I've found: the bottom.
The bottom of my seemingly-bottomless-pit.

Joc's down.
Not well.
Can't help.
Ain't Emo-ing.
Please understand.



Y 3:44 AM
혜은사랑이용

it took me a super long time to type this.
ask me why so.

don't know what this is?
ask me what's it.

it may not be the bestest translation,
but it's for you.