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He replied my email, all the way from Portugal through the matrix, arriving at my inbox today at 2240 hours. Next port, Russia. A long awaited email since that call weeks ago. [take care with much love azfar] I hope through the seas and winds, they'll bring him my wishes and misses. "Come home soon, won't you?" God knows how much i miss you man... I'm happy. Seeing her so painful, yet going strong, my heart cringes. I hate to see her aching in her heart, and i hate myself for not being able to ease her from it. Though she said it's okay already, but i know it's not. If she's sad, i'll be equally sad. If she sees me sad, she'll be sadder. So we'll sad together. Sadded man. I never pray that we'll go back to how we used to be... It was a painful start, and i pray it won't end painfully. I just pray that we'll grow closer as friends. A friend whom i'll call when i'm alone. A friend whom i'll turn to for advices. A friend who will rejoice with me for the good things in life. Fio said you compliment me the most, but it's over now. I won't dwell on it. I've moved on. The Spontae sisters had a great time yesterday. First, the jackie chan restaurant, then TCC, then movie marathon. Midnight meat train and Money no enough. I was nauseous when i came out from the first movie. Thank God the second movie made du du feel a lil better. Well, I thank God that i finally got to hear whatever that went on. Amazing story. I'm awestruck by God's gift to fio. I believe He has His chapters written for me too. The climax has yet to reach. I'm only on the first few chapters. I await for my story to unfold. Watched a video today. A simple video that reflects reality. It sets me thinking. What exactly is reality? A whole entire country, or should i say half of a country. They believed in a fabricated lie, or was made to believe in a fabricated lie. We were shown the truth, so clearly before our very eyes... and yet we only believed it half-heartedly. Maybe because they were forced to, and out of fear, they obligingly choose to obey the fabrication. If you can escape, good. If you can't escape, just stay. If you try to escape, then pray hard that you'll really escape, or death's your escape. And yet, so many a times, I, as a Christian, do not even know why i feel that the truth gets overbearing, when the truth, in fact, liberates. We believe the truth, out of our own will, yet we dread it. What an irony. It really saddens my heart. I feel so helpless. God, i've learnt something. I need to be thankful. Thanful for the simple things in life. I was so sad when jethro died. Didn't appreciate the new camera at all. I hated its colour, i hated it's different, i hated it's not jethro. But hey, i didn't appreciate it being upgraded, i didn't appreciate it was new, when i ought to be thankful that it was within warranty. Well, 내 사랑 shall be his name. Nae Sarang. My love. Named it jaz initially, hmm.. Jaz Chua Nae Sarang. HAHA. Pardon me please, i simply like to name the things i owned. Jaz was my favourite kid when i was on the ship. And ya, i love Korean alot. Wanted translation for thankfulness. It turned out to be "gam sa". Reminded me of what Ryan told me. "Thank you very gam sa." Jong Jun repeated, "Thank you very thank you." HAHA. I miss the kids. Random things. Saw a customer's name on the credit card receipt today. FIONA CHUA. Fio, it reminded me of you. Your name with my surname. Aylwin sms-ed me today. I kinda just woke up. "Call me if can." Typical ah beng of him. Called him. A: You free to talk now? J: Er..ya? Why? A: (in chinese) Why you like that one??? @#$$%^& Do you know you're working today? J: Huh? Er.. I'm working, but not at heeren today. A: Aiya. Joc ar.. I wanted to call Joyce. HAHAHA. J: HAHAHA. J: (got scolded for nothing lor) A: Sorry ar. So how's your cough now? J: (coughs) Er..okay lar. A: Orh. Drink more water ar. J: Uhn. Blur like anything. Clamhead has a new name for me. Small girl. Well, he promised not to bully me, but saturdays after saturdays, he'll keep up his usual routines - bully me. I'm not going to see him for one saturday. Sadded. Got super clumsy today. I dropped the empty pitcher on the floor. It got flung underneath a customer's chair. Ian said i attracted attention. =( I dropped the cheese container. The cheese fell out on the carpet. Clamhead exclaimed, "Clumsy with a capital C!" Climbed the chairs to reach for water inside the coldside. Bumped my head on the upper shelf. Tung shouted across, "You mei you bian ai ar?!" ("Did you become shorter?!" So clumsy that Hafiz and Prila asked me to be careful not to spill the soup. Finally, i've got the chance. For three years, i was hoping. I am flying with you. I really pray that the time together would be amazing. I pray that God will bring us so much closer. I look forward with much anticipation. I'm thankful to God for Prila. Someone whom i feel that God has brought into my life to bless me. So much so that a manager i see her not to be, but a friend. Khalis is going to NS on the 11th of Sept. Ian, 13th. Jason 16th. I am not looking forward to it. God, teach me to accept changes even though i detest it. Time to sleep now. Cheerios. It's 4 days since jethro's sick and away. I'm kinda missing him and all the memories he has brought me. looking forward to Wednesday. Really. Today, i've made the boldest declaration to jia tung in the presence of many. Many = prila, zhi hao, siti, kha and clamhead. Okay, a few maybe. Somehow we've kinda talked about money and all, and i went like, Me: If you have God, you have everything. Tung: Really??? *doubtful* Tung: So give me all your money, your atm card. Then how are you gona come to work? Me: God will make a way. Tung: Yah. You'll go like 'Papa, i need money.' ASK. Me: Try me, i won't ask from my dad at all. Tung: *surprised* okay, then tell me how you're gona come to work? Me: God will provide me the money to take transport. Tung: Okay. You give me your ezlink card. Me: I'll give you my atm card, my ezlink card and my pay for last month. You can keep everything. And for one month, i'll survive on God. You game for it? Tung: Deal. On. I'm not on the losing end. Me: Then if this one month i survive on God, i've proven that God exist, are you gona believe Him? Tung: No..it's okay you just believe Him can already. Me: But i'll prove He exist. Tung: It's okay. Afterall, i'm not on a losing end. Me: I'm not on a losing end too. *smiles* Tung shrugged. Me: So do you want my ezlink card now? Tung: Why do i need your ezlink card for? Me: Well, the one month starts today, how about that? Tung: Aiya...it's okay lar..i was just joking with you. Me: *smiles* God, i thank you for giving me the courage to voice out the truth. To stand up for what i believe in. I pray that someday, somehow, tung will come to know You as well. He is a nice friend. A good man that deserves more than what life has got to offer, and that's salvation. A heavier note to end, It has been a tough journey between us. It's not all about him that has intruded. It's the simplest thing that i cannot bring myself to do to you- TRUST. Excuse me for this period of time. I need the space to clear my mind. You've once said, "they have broken the trust that we have for them, it's gona take alot for us trust them again. They have to earn it." And know this, You've broken this trust, and you've got to earn it back. Love is being willing to die for someone. Dennis's friend gave his life up for him. He had loved him, i believed. This is the rough story... Somewhere along Mandai road, Dennis was at the traffic light on his bike. It was red, but the sign says, "Turn left on red." He saw a lorry stopped, so he decided to move on. However, from behind that lorry, came another lorry. His friend who was also on the bike, in an effort to save Dennis, shielded him from the lorry, resulting in his own death. Dennis was covered with abrasions and a fractured arm. He is still recovering after 5 days. My heart wrenched the minute i saw him today. I was almost left speechless. I wanted so much to assure him that i'm here for him. Wanted so much to offer my support, but somehow, i failed to. Life is transient. Dennis's friend gave his life for him, so did Jesus. I'm thankful. Papa, I pray for You to restore whatever hurt that has been done. Dennis's friend may have left him, but i pray that Papa, Dennis will know You're here for him. I know You will heal him and his heart in the way You know best. I place him in Your loving hands, keep him safe. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen. Since Sunday, i've been sleeping alot less than the initial days. 5 1/2 hours...4 hours...2 hours... Really exhausted. Flared up at the slightest things. The crazy idea of working two jobs seriously makes me cranky. The only one who had to endure this all was fio, thanks for being gracious. However, i'm just bothered by some things. We'll trash things out on tues. Well, for some who hadn't known, i'm teaching English to a group of Korean kids, and still keeping up my job at nydc. Honestly, i enjoy seeing their faces each morning. I was tired, but the smile on their faces, simply made the fatigue fade away. 8 in total. Woo Seong, Daniel. Hee Won, Hannah. Ju Hyeong, Paul. Sang Woo, Ryan. Jong Jun, Brian. Jin Won, Andy. Jae Won, Roy. Sang Hyuon, Andrew. It took me only once to remember their names, whereas it was the teachers' names that i kept forgetting. HAHA. Jong Jun is kinda handsome. pretty handsome kid for his age at 9. When we were heading to the goat farm on Wed, and he went like, "Teacher, where are you from?" "Singapore." "Ah...Singapore...[Korean]" "Teacher, how old are you?" "20." "20...er..yi ship(20)..?" "yah.. yi ship." Startled, with big beady eyes he looked at me, "Korean speaking??" "chokum (a lil..)" He was even more surprised. Haha. He then asked Sang Woo how to ask me the question. so ending our conversation, "Teacher, do you like Korean music?" "Yup, i do. Chu a hae yo (i like)." Today, Jong Jun walked into the staff room. We started conversing again. JJ: (picking up the choco on my table) yi gor ju se yo (Give me this.) Me: *shaking my head* An ni. (No.) JJ: ju se yo..ju se yo!!! Me *laughing* okay okay. Half half. JJ: scissors. Me: Scissors??!! *giggled* JJ: *nodded* Me: Shi gol (No.) You bite. He bit and returned me a portion less than half. He placed it on my palm, sadded. Then i looked to Jae Won. and then the chocolate on my palm, then him again. Next minute, he took the choco from my palm and popped it into his mouth. I looked at the tinny-winny crumb on my palm, sadden-ded. Though they took my choco, i was smiling away. Sang Hyuon, age 6 of now. The other teacher kinda slammed the door of the cabinet on his finger. Hearing fragments of, "are you okay??" "don't cry." I came out of the staff room and i saw Sang Hyuon. He held out his tiny index finger, and his face was flushed. I walked over, "Sang Hyuon, quen cha na (Are you okay?)?" He shook his head. "A po yo (Pain?) ?" He nodded. I blew on his blue blacked finger and assured him it's okay. Pasted a handyplast with mickey on it. Then before he left for home, I stretched out my hand and went "Chai ga yo (Bye.)." He then high-fived me and said, "Chai ga." Honestly, i'm having alot of fun, and i'm enjoying lessons with them, seriously. I was still wondering on the first day whether i'll ever miss these kids when they return to Korea, now i know that i'll miss them for sure. I thank God, honestly. That i had an opportunity such as this. I'm thankful for His love. An additional random note, I found out Aylwin's born in feb too. And it's 2 days before mine! Whoa. Amazed. He came by wheelock today. Always doned in a white t shirt, a pretty childish one today. Oh well. He never fail to bring a smile to my face. =) With that, back to my terrible sleep routine. Assuring everyone, joc's really tired, but i'm hanging in there. Worry not ya? God's here to support me. MY LIFE  I am Jocelyn Hannah. I was baptised on 7th February 2010. I am 22 and still counting. I love VJBEE and we celebrate 10 years. I am amazed at everything about Korea and Korean. I still love orange, the colour. I love Da Tou, Mini Tou and new addition, Flimso. I am God given. In my life, I choose to desire God above everything else. He is no fool to lose what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot TAG ME MY LOVELYS Aunty Ben Bing Claire Corny di Evan Fio Ian Isabelle Jere Joelle Joey Josel Kha Ning Ong Ji Pauline Phebs Prila Roy Rui Xiang Sandy Shei Pin Sin Yi Tina Zul MY MEmories January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 March's Events 4th April - Ong Ji's Bday 8th April - Bing and Jere's 17th Month 9th April - Mommy's Bday 12th April - Tina's Bday 19th April - School Officially Commences 22nd April - Sabrina's Bday My heart song |