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Haha. about bing again. wen bing says that i like blogging about her. she's right. today fio, bing and i headed out. blur girl ah bing. she said 'David Henney'.(Daniel Henney) 'doey pasta?', "doRy pasta lar bing, doRy!' another one, 'philosical' (philosophical) fio and i can't help but kept laughing and laughing. how blur can this wen Ring get. hahahahahahaha then blur as she is, she left her wallet at coffee bean. my gosh. i was shocked by her too. i can't help but marvelled at the extent of her blur-ness. haha. Then we headed back to coffee bean. it was 11.30pm already. last train, hers 11.47pm. i prayed as we walked back. "God, don't prove wen bing right again that she's INDEED blur. Amen." We reached. and a couple asked if we were looking for something. a wallet. Bingo! God was so cool. With gratefulness and thanking God in my heart, we headed back to the station. We considered my last train, but forgot about bing's. Hah. When we reached the station, [Last train-Boon Lay Arrived] I grabbed her hand and ran. tapped our cards, i held her again. Ran with her hand in mine. Saw the train and i kinda swung her in. =) There was still some time left. I stood there, not wanting to leave until i see the door close. We both panted. I looked at her. Marvelling at how this blur girl could be so special to me. I told her and told God. [i am willing to do anything for this girl, even laying down my life for her.] My promise to you, bing. You're my Special. [because the decision is based on 'i know yet i want'] [i nearly rejected His best, choosing to settle for my best.] fragments of my conversation with Ronald. He approached me and ask, 'Hi Jocelyn just wanna ask you whether u felt a bit lost?' He prayed at 12mn for me. I said i was feeling so at 12mn. At 1230am - my heart was clear. my eyes were unveiled. i was confused about you. VERY~ my dilemma lasted for weeks. i thought once again i was defeated. I blamed my heart for being so fragile everytime. I hurled God lots of hurting stuff. that i rather have the world than Him. i rather make the wrong choice, because i preferred it. and that i'll face the consequences myself. I was in the abyss. Jesus came to my rescue. He knew i could not bear this alone. Ask me. if i'm willing to go through it again. I'll say I am. why? it was because of this, that i feel all the more, I can't give God up. I rather give you than give God up. I'm someone that you care, but what's more, i'm someone that God loves. i feel my importance. not from you. but from the King. [I want to be adored by the King. Loved by the Queen. Protected by the Prince. i want to be Princess. can i?] i wrote this on October 9, 2006. i am Princess. God, You make me one. i thought it was true. i thought it was real. it all turned out to be a lie. a fantasy i build upon empty promises. i felt i was on cloud 9 then. now i feel like i'm in the deepest valleys. i hate your care. i hate you asking how i am. i hate the promises that you've made. my heart, like what fio said, feels as though it has gained the pounds. i cried, because of you? i ain't sure. on tuesday night, i told God this: "the one thing that i hate the most now is to PRAY. So stop asking me to pray!" on wednesday morning, i talked to God again. i said: "the only thing i can do, which is the very thing that i hated the most, is to pray." And so i did. May i lay in your arms, till i'm tired and weary, fallen asleep. May your embrace shroud me, shutting out the clatter of the world. Love and Hate does coexist. For a time as this, i'm believing this myth. Forgiving is beyond reach, Forgave is ancient. I still have one more choice, Forgive. I want you. I don't need you. MY LIFE  I am Jocelyn Hannah. I was baptised on 7th February 2010. I am 22 and still counting. I love VJBEE and we celebrate 10 years. I am amazed at everything about Korea and Korean. I still love orange, the colour. I love Da Tou, Mini Tou and new addition, Flimso. I am God given. In my life, I choose to desire God above everything else. He is no fool to lose what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot TAG ME MY LOVELYS Aunty Ben Bing Claire Corny di Evan Fio Ian Isabelle Jere Joelle Joey Josel Kha Ning Ong Ji Pauline Phebs Prila Roy Rui Xiang Sandy Shei Pin Sin Yi Tina Zul MY MEmories January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 March's Events 4th April - Ong Ji's Bday 8th April - Bing and Jere's 17th Month 9th April - Mommy's Bday 12th April - Tina's Bday 19th April - School Officially Commences 22nd April - Sabrina's Bday My heart song |