[because the decision is based on 'i know yet i want']

[i nearly rejected His best,
choosing to settle for my best.]

fragments of my conversation with Ronald.
He approached me and ask,
'Hi Jocelyn just wanna ask you whether u felt a bit lost?'
He prayed at 12mn for me.
At 1230am - my heart was clear. my eyes were unveiled.

i was confused about you.
VERY~
my dilemma lasted for weeks.
i thought once again i was defeated.
I blamed my heart for being so fragile everytime.

I hurled God lots of hurting stuff.
that i rather have the world than Him.
i rather make the wrong choice, because i preferred it.
and that i'll face the consequences myself.
I was in the abyss.
Jesus came to my rescue.
He knew i could not bear this alone.

Ask me.
if i'm willing to go through it again.
I'll say I am.
why?
it was because of this,
that i feel all the more, I can't give God up.
I rather give you than give God up.

I'm someone that you care,
but what's more,
i'm someone that God loves.

i feel my importance.
not from you.
but from the King.

[I want to be adored by the King.
Loved by the Queen.
Protected by the Prince.
i want to be Princess. can i?]
i wrote this on October 9, 2006.

i am Princess.
God, You make me one.