To love or not to love.
that isn't the question.

To let go or not to let go
that is the question.

i really don't know,
Father,
i'm really at loss.

he gives me hope,
yet shatters them.
maybe there was never a glimmer of hope,
it was just me believe in a lie that i thought was the truth.

i really want to let go,
yet at the same time,
i really don't want to.

have i been stubborn?
or maybe i have been dumb?
i beginning to think it's the latter.
dumb to suffer the heartaches.
day by day.

i feel like a fool.
i feel misused.
i feel chucked aside, and brought close only when i was needed.
i feel replaceable.
i feel insignificant.
i feel i'm in the rut again.
guess...
i never got out of it.

bing said,
[loving someone isn't easy.
love isn't easy.]

i told her,
"i never think it would be easy,
but i never think it would be so hard."

she goes on,
[if you love him, it's worth the wait and pain.]

me,
"that's why i'm questioning myself that."

her,
[whether you love him, or worth the wait?]

i said,
"whether i love him. because if i really do, the wait is worth it despite its pain."

God,
i'm sorry.
i'm hurting till i forgot whether You even hear me.
i know you do.
Yes.
By faith.
i just need assurance.
lots of it.

God,
do You love me?
maybe that is the question.